Love him yes, but love him with sense.
Yes I think I heard this one right. The first still small voice I’ve heard in a long time.
Finally I can feel my sanity returning back. Yes, my Sanity.
Which I think, I have lost along the way these couple of days, grappling with my emotions.
There has been a riot going on in my heart, I thought I was going mad slowly.
I was feeling different things all at the same time and it was messing with my head
It was scary and I’ve cried more times than I can remember doing in my entire life these couple of days.
Aside from the fact that I fell in love unexpectedly I have also felt drained emotionally and mentally.
I look around me and I feel I have been making too many sacrifices for people in my life and its starting to look like a daytime job
I feel stifled and I cannot bend over backwards anymore for anyone.
Nobody seems to appreciate that. Not like I need the appreciation, well maybe I do but its starting to look like it’s my duty to be there when everyone else cannot be.
The fact is I’ve had it all up to my neck and I’m rebelling but no one seems to understand.
I’ve been wanting to go away for some time, to go someplace I can be alone by myself for a day or two.
Even that, I cannot do at the moment because someone needs me to be there .
I want to be selfish and not care
I want to see a need and just look the other way, but I just can’t.
These are feeling and thoughts that have been through my head, coupled with the fact that this love thing just popped up on me out of nowhere. Now that? I don’t want to talk about now because I’m still processing, still sorting in my mind. I still cannot understand what is going on
I took a moment alone with God to talk about it with Him and this is what I heard” Love him with Sense”.
And then again I realized I was made to be selfless (I’m back to the other business of the day)
Even if I don’t get to see the benefits, I just have to give myself, my time and my all to people around me. Maybe it’s the cross I was meant to carry.
Right now I’m ready to be all kinds of selfless because selfish just doesn’t cut it for me, It takes too much energy.
Selfish drains me, troubles me, haunts me.