I NEED YOU FATHER

I need you Father to help me pull myself together so that I don’t fall apart.

So that I don’t break down

So that I don’t go crazy.

The trials that you throw my, way give me the strength, the grace, the courage to overcome.

Help me keep myself together so I don’t tilt to the other side

Help me to know that for every heart ache, for every person that comes into my life is for a reason that I will not see now.

 

Help me to understand that I am one of a kind and there aren’t many like me

Give me the grace to wake up tomorrow and be able to smile through the hurt in my heart.

 

Help me never to give up my values, my principles, and my selflessness

Help me never to ignore my conscience and let it die.

 

Turn all the scars inside of me to raw materials to mold the person you want me to be.

A better me,   a stronger me, a wiser me.

Help me to put you first above everything else in my life.

Help me to understand that I cannot take a step without you.

Help me to remember always that without you I am nothing.

Help me never to forget the many graces, the many favors, and the many blessings you have bestowed upon me. Most of them, I do not deserve.

Help me to remember the many people who love and care about me.

Help me appreciate the beautiful people I am sharing this lifetime with.

You have given me a high tolerance capacity. Help me never to lose that. I know that space is getting smaller, help me to expand it. Help me to accommodate more.

 

I can be weak and soft hearted but you have made me strong in so many ways and you have pulled me out of impossible situations many times.

Help me to draw strength from that well of Grace.

Help me to be the woman after your Heart.

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Along came Sunlight

The Poet just emerged after a long time in limbo. Weeks?  Or maybe months.

She was trapped in an ice box. Lips sealed by the cold from the ice, fingers frozen in time.

It seemed like she was going to remain there forever.

Until a silver ray of sunlight happened by.  The first stroke just thawed a little of the ice and then Mr. Sunlight stopped in its track. it liked what lay beneath the Ice box.

It looked appealing.

So the silver ray decided to stay until it thawed the poet out of the ice box.

When she came out what did she find?

The comic was lost. She was hiding only popping out rarely and even at that only for a second for those she cared about.

Those times she came out it wasn’t real. She was just faking, disguising so no one would dare to look closer to find the chaos beneath the smiling and laughing façade.

As for the intellect? Hmmmm, that one just went bunkers, running around in circles trying to figure everything out.

Even her huge mass of brain matter couldn’t comprehend what was going on.

She was just off, talking a tad too much to everyone, hoping for a Eureka moment spurred by a comment from someone.

But nothing like that came.

The poet fresh from the ice, refreshed after the long break pulled the intellect away from the mad house and sat her down. Made her see where the answers lay.

It wasn’t in the thoughts of anyone outside the three.  The answers lay in the core, in the nucleus and in the substance that binds the three to make them one: The poet, the intellect and the Comic.

The comic however will take a while to resurface.

 

My heart is in two different places

I need a shrink

Last night I dreamt I had one.

I wish I could get one now.

My mind is in turmoil.

Ever since I got back I’ve not been the same.

And I don’t want to love you anymore. I have tons of stuff on my mind but I don’t want to talk to you about them.

I cannot talk to you about them .I don’t want to love you anymore

He may not be the ONE but he has made me see so much I’m missing

So much I should have.

I’ve always said love is not enough but I didn’t realize it’s this true.

You sense all these and you want to do much more.

You are trying so hard and it breaks my heart because I don’t feel this anymore.

Everything has changed for me

And it makes me feel terrible.

 Makes me feel like a bad person, I don’t want to break your heart.

I cannot break your heart.

I cannot say: “Baby I don’t love you anymore”.

I don’t even know if I still do.

It’s all so confusing but right now I need some time off.

To sort out the way I feel.

I never intended to stay for the long haul but it’s so hard for me right now.

I cannot do this. I know I should do something.