Yeah you know the title just kinda says it all. I guess?

So i am clearing out my wallet where i normally keep pieces of write ups that i scribble down when my heart is full and needs release through my pen. Then i know its time to throw away these pieces because i’ve been keeping them for years… 4? maybe 5 years?.

Then i remember my word press account. I could just dump them here for when i need to revisit. Just to maybe shake my head at those times. Sooo…..here you go…

Not dated but from my guess maybe 2016 ?

Tonight I wake up for the first time not expecting to see a missed call from you .

I mentally pat myself on the back because…… I’ve come a long way.

I’m not all there yet. No.

Still some work left to do.

Still some healing left to do.

But i’ve come a long way from where i was

For instance, some parts of me still cannot believe its real, still cannot understand why you left , still cannot believe you did that which you vowed you wouldn’t.

You know in the beginning, I warned you not to play with my heart.

We laughed about it, but here we are today.. You did it without blinking, without remorse.

There were days, still are days when i want to hate you, say hurtful things to you. Just to make me feel this hurt a little less but i dont let myself dwell on those thoughts too much or too long.

Because I cannot let you steal the good in me, No! I cannot let you steal the God in me.

So i wish you well intead. I wish you a love greater than the one which i felt for you. I wish you good health, Long life, a good life, a good wife, beautiful kids, plenty of money, Yea, that too and I wish you all that and a lot more.

The places that we went together , the things that we did together,,, there are times i don’t want to see or go to those places ever but i push myself because I cannot let you steal those things away from me

I will still go to our favorite places because those places were my favorite places too. I will still kiss in the elevator…maybe tomorrow? I will still give big long hugs . I will still love, like I did you.

I will not let you make me say: Never again!

I will let this heart love again.

I would let this heart love another .

I will let this heart love like it does: Wholly, completely, selflessly, like a child.. with complete trust. I would not say ” never again”

You stole some parts of my past. I cannot let you steal my future, I cannot let you into my tomorrow.

I’m sorry, I love you, loved you but in my past you will remain.

I cannot say I’m there yet but i am trying , Will keep trying

Time they say heals all and in all my years in this life, I have yet to see time fail me